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The sensation of failure was overwhelming as I tried imagining myself with forty-nine year old whose gray hair was quickly going away, and looked like the accountant he was. Before, I had imagined myself as the big spoon. This was obviously not going to be the case, and the idea of having that guy wrap his arms around me was utterly overwhelming in how gay it was. Couples kissed, and his picture clearly had a greying moustache. I blew a gigantic load to the thought that I could, and should end up hapilly wanting to kiss men.Once that door was unlocked, it was easier to take trips through it. I got fucked by strangers from Craigslist six more times that month. It was a combination of several things that kept me going back: Masturbating is great, it can be amazing, but I now had access to actual sex. Each of them was different, though no one older than thirty had used me. Everyone seemed to want me on all fours, and there was never any small talk. I'd been to a couple of new hotels,. They say they've got a better idea of your value now."One of the girls walking close behind Julia turned and yelled back, "MARK'S NAKED, and you can see EVERYTHING!"#4: #4: Considering most of the girls were already dressed and in the other room with Julia, this wasn't exactly brilliantly innovative lateral thinking. More the accepting reality type of thinking. Oh well. Girls are nothing if not inconsistent, as their frantic stripping and then complete redressing very effectively demonstrated. Maybe in ten minutes they'd all have a sudden urge to strip again. You never can tell with girls. You think you can, but they do the opposite more often than not (and I'm FULLY aware that if they do the opposite "more often than not", that you SHOULD be able to logically take that into consideration, but for some reason that doesn't seem to work. I think it's a corollary of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle that applies at the macroscopic, feminine level).I returned my attention to Anna..
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